What was that song that Ilia Malinin skated to in the Olympic Gala

[curious]

It sounded like rap, but the lyrics I could make out were pretty deep...and Ilia did a beautiful job skating to it (and it seemed to be perfect for all that he's gone through). Does anyone know the artist and the lyrics? Is it a Christian artist?

[afan]

That was a rapper that goes by the name NF. The song was "Fear".

As yo usaid, the lyrics and music were the perfect choice for everything Malinin went through—I think everyone who's ever had their dreams crushed felt for him—experiencing that kind of pain on such a huge stage must have been incredibly difficult, and this song is such a powerful description of the hell that many of us have experienced.

NF (real name Nathan J. Feuerstein) went through his own hell growing up. I think that's what makes the lyrics so powerful and so honest. He's a Christian, and he's an artist, but he doesn't make "Christian music". If you read his lyrics you'll know what I mean.


Hello darkness, my old friend (hello)
Knocking at my door again
Beggin' me to come outside
Let you back into my life
Now, usually I'd be strong enough
To lock the doors and keep 'em shut
But not today, I'm desperate (desperate)
So go ahead and come on in
So go ahead and come on in
So go ahead and come on in

OCD is worse than ever, hands are bleedin'
Maybe I should take the pills, don't (whoa)
Know what's goin' on with me
Some days I actually think I might be schizo- (whoa)
Phrenic, prolly not, but even writin' this
Is makin' me begin to spiral, oh, God (oh, oh, oh)
Made a promise, told myself I wouldn't let the fear back in
But then I did, though (whoa)
Told the world that I was sick of runnin'
Then went back to runnin', what a joke (whoa)
Disappointed, yeah, me too
I thought I finally had finally made a breakthrough, guess not (oh, oh, oh)
It's the same song and dance, you've all seen it before
Darkness holds out his hand, then we walk to the floor
Every decision made isn't mine anymore
Like a puppet with strings, I just don't have a choice
What's the truth? What's a lie?
Help me, God, help me, Lord
Face your fears, dry your eyes
Grandma died, what's the point?
Lost the keys, lost my hope, lost my will, lost my joy
Lost a friend, lost my home, lost my faith, lost my voice

Standing back, watching my mansion burn to ash while I
Hold the gas can, asking God if He started this fire
Is this what You wanted? Is this what You wanted?
Make all my hopes and my dreams come to life just to lay them to rest
Is this what You wanted? Is this what You wanted?
Give me a false sense of peace just to show me what peace really is
Is this what You wanted?

On the verge, on the edge
(Is this what You wanted?)
Petrified, scared to death
(Is this what You wanted?)
Prayin' to God, desperate
(Is this what You wanted, what You wanted?)
(Is this what You wanted?)
Hangin' on by a thread
(Is this what You wanted?)
Empty heart, nothin' left
(Is this what You wanted?)
Breakin' down, spiralin'
(Is this what You wanted, what You wanted?)
(Is this what You wanted?)

Standing back (is this what You wanted?)
Watching my mansion (is this what You wanted?)
Burn to ash (is this what You wanted?) While I (oh, oh, oh)
(What You wanted, is this what You wanted?)
Hold the gas (is this what You wanted?) Can
Asking God if (is this what You wanted?)
He started this fire (is this what You wanted, what You wanted?)


This particular song will resonate with many young people going through the pits of despair. Unlike "Christian" music there isn't a cliched ending, but unlike "secular" music it doesn't descend into nihilism. It's just someone crying out and questioning God, in turmoil, in confusion, maybe in anger.

As someone who's gone through these kinds of trouble, I can tell you that's teh first step to healing...in those moments you don't need people patting you on the head and reading you Bible verses.

I think some people might question this kind of music. For me, I think it's the equivalent of Jesus eating with "tax collectors and 'sinners'". A lot of young people are suffering from mental illness these days, and it's really spiritual emptiness. I hope in his own way he can reach many of them.

[guest107]

fun fact...a year ago he skated to "Hope" by the same artist